Ep 146: Toni Everard - Before You Burn Your Business Down, Listen to This

There comes a point in almost every business owner's journey where you wonder if it's all worth it.

You question your decisions.

You wonder why everything suddenly feels so hard.

You start thinking that maybe it would be easier to walk away, get a job, and leave the stress behind.

But what if the urge to burn your business down isn't a sign that you're failing?

What if it's a sign that you're growing?

In this episode, Toni Everard explores one of the most misunderstood stages of business growth: the space between who you've been and who you need to become to create your next level of success.

She explains why feeling stuck, exhausted, or ready to quit often has nothing to do with your business itself and everything to do with the identity, nervous system, and unconscious patterns that are trying to keep you safe. Toni shares why business isn't simply about learning better strategies—it's about becoming the person who can naturally create, receive, and sustain the life and business you truly want.

This conversation will completely reframe the moments when you feel like giving up and remind you that your greatest breakthroughs are often waiting on the other side of your biggest resistance.

This episode explores:

• why so many business owners reach the point where they want to quit

• what's really happening when your business suddenly feels harder than ever

• why growth requires becoming a different version of yourself

• how your identity and nervous system determine the results you create

• why your unconscious mind naturally resists change, even when it's good for you

• the hidden difference between having the right strategy and being energetically aligned with it

• why doing "all the right things" still doesn't guarantee results

• how misalignment creates frustration, exhaustion, and self-doubt

• why your breakthrough is often hiding inside your greatest resistance

• the real cost of worrying about what other people think

• how stepping into your own authority expands your capacity for success

• why taking a break from work is healthy—but giving up on your goal isn't

• why business is one of the greatest personal development journeys you'll ever experience

• how building a successful business is ultimately about building a stronger version of yourself

• why you were never meant to navigate the challenges of business alone

If you've been questioning your business, feeling overwhelmed, wondering whether you're cut out for entrepreneurship, or standing on the edge of giving up, this episode will remind you that you're not broken, you're not failing, and you're certainly not alone. Sometimes the hardest season in business isn't a sign to walk away—it's an invitation to become the person your next level has been waiting for.

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Transcript

[00:00:00] If you've ever thought to yourself, "I don't know, I'm cut out for this business gig, and I just wanna burn it all down and move somewhere and get a job," uh, this episode is for you. Now, this is a really important episode because so many people that I speak to who are in business go through these stages where, you know, you're-- you just get to that point where everything feels hard, and you are questioning your life choices and thinking, "Why am I even doing this crazy business?

Wouldn't it be easier if I just burn it all down, packed it all up, uh, moved to the country and just, you know, had some easy, little, cushy job somewhere, living a simple life?" Now, this is such a good topic, and look, [00:01:00] I've been there myself. I have been there myself. I've experienced this. All of my clients tell me this at some stage in their business journey, and not only that, but I was in, uh...

on one of my mastermind calls, uh, in the program that I'm in with my mentors, and, uh, there was a, uh, another woman there in business who's doing, you know, um, multiple six or, or hitting six, seven figures, saying exact same thing, "I feel like I just wanna burn it all down and pack it all up and go live in a caravan somewhere."

Right? And so this is a common thing, and I think for women, it happens in cycles as well because women are, y- you know, cyclic by nature. And so we have those kind of ebbs and flows in, in how we feel like, you know, pushing or relaxing or all of those kinds of things. But it's something that everybody faces at some stage on their business journey.[00:02:00] 

And so before you decide that now is the time to pack it all in, I wanna share this with you because-

What's really happening when we hit those stages in our business or in our life is that we're standing at a point in between two identities. We're standing on the cusp of the person that you've been up until now, looking towards a goal that requires you to become a different person. And this is the evolution of consciousness that we experience.

And, you know, you've probably heard this before, that, you know, whatever goal it is that you wanna set, it's never about achieving the goal, it's about who do you become in being able to achieve that goal, right? That's ultimately the thing, because whatever you've got in your life now is you have it in your life now because of who you are [00:03:00] in your life now.

And your nervous system and your neurology knows how to create what you've got in your life right now. When you decide you wanna create something else, whether that's having more clients, or making more money, or having more time available to yourself or, you know, managing more people or whatever that might be that's different than where you are now, and ultimately, uh, an improvement in your mind from where you are now, 'cause that's what a goal is.

It's like, ultimately, I think if I achieve this next goal, that it's gonna improve my life in some way. Then it requires you to become someone new. It requires you to expand your neurology and your nervous system to be able to manage the responsibilities that you have in creating that new reality for yourself.

So if it's in making more money or, or, you know, getting more clients or working less [00:04:00] hours to make more money, then there's something that you're gonna need to learn, and there's some way that you're need- going to need to show up in the world that is different than what you've been doing before. And that shift can feel uncomfortable.

And when I think about, you know, building the neurology for something that you haven't had before, I always think about, it's kind of like, you know, you're trying to carve your way through a thick jungle, right? You're trying to carve your way through a thick jungle, and there's no clear pathway between where you are and where you wanna get going.

And it's like you have to kind of like cut through all this, this, you know, excess kind of vines and foliage and everything else to forge this path, clear path through from where you are to where you wanna get to. And that can feel like a lot of hard work, and sometimes you'll feel like, "I don't even know if I'm on the right path anymore.

I can't even see where I'm going. I don't know if this direction is the right [00:05:00] direction, and now I'm just feeling like a hot mess and questioning all of my life choices and thinking maybe I don't even wanna go through the jungle anymore. Maybe I just wanna go back to the beach and just relax in a hammock with a coconut."

Right? Like that seems like a much easier path. Um, but we know that if we keep moving through, eventually we will get to where we're going to. Well, you might not know that at the time, but that's ultimately how you ever get anywhere, is that you choose to keep moving forward. You choose to keep going until you reach that outcome.

And so, you know, being in this space in between who you've always been up till now and who you need to be is like facing that jungle, and it can feel really uncomfortable. And ultimately, your unconscious mind doesn't want you to go in the jungle, right? It doesn't want you to have to do this hard work to forge a way through 'cause [00:06:00] it says, "I know where we've been.

I know what that's like. I know how to create safety for myself in that old environment, in that old way of being, and now you're asking me to do something that I don't know how to do and it feels uncomfortable." And your ego, your identity in your unconscious mind, will die to know how it is. It wants to know how things are, how you relate to the world, how you relate to all the people around you.

And so that's why it wants you to stay as you are, because that feels like the easiest, safest space. So, you know, this is where we have to think about when we're going to create some kind of change or expand ourselves in some kind of way, evolve ourselves in some kind of way to be able to create more of what we want in our life, then we're gonna have to step into some territory that is unknown.

And that can feel very uncomfortable, and it can feel like things aren't working, and it can feel like you're w- doing a lot of hard work for no [00:07:00] reward or no progress. Um, but there's always progress that's going on underneath, it's just that you can't see it. And so, you know, this is why it might feel like, "Oh, actually I'm on the wrong path," or, "This isn't the business for me," or whatever else, because it just gets that feeling.

And people go, "If it feels bad, it must be wrong, so I'm gonna burn it all down and do something easier." Uh, that... Like I said, we have to, uh, just understand that ultimately it's just your old identity's got to its limits of what it can create. So we have to be aware whenever we're setting a goal, that we're going to have to build new neurology because your old conditioning and your old identity and your old neural pathways are only designed to do your old way of life, right?

Your new way of life, your new way of business, your new level of busi- n- n- new level of business or money or whatever that might be, is going to require you to recondition [00:08:00] yourself. Right? And sometimes that means that the new way of your, you being is gonna require you to maybe be more visible, right? Or take more action, or take bigger actions, or put yourself in places where you feel more vulnerable.

And it might also require you to be doing things or having things that people that you're connected to aren't also doing and having. And so that can start feeling like, oh, how will other people react to me moving into this space? And for those that have been conditioned to, you know, that connection is dependent on them fitting in or doing what other people expect them to, that can feel very uncomfortable.

And so, you know, often we've been conditioned to stay small, and I spoke a lot about this, um, in last week's episode around the good girl script. You know, we get conditioned to fit in with what [00:09:00] other people think is acceptable. Um, but we need to be able to shift out of that, right? And we have to, like, upgrade our operating system to meet who we need to be that'll create that goal, right?

So we're always looking at be, do, have. Who do I need to be so that I will naturally do the things I need to do so that I can have the outcome I want to have? It doesn't work the other way. We can't go, "Oh, once I have this outcome, then I'll feel like I am that person." It just doesn't work that way. You have to decide to be that person first, and then as that person, you will do the things that will result in you having the outcome.

And so this is why I always say that business is one of the best places to inspire you into, or motivate you into personal growth and personal development. Because business isn't just about growing your [00:10:00] income, business is about growing you as a person. Because ultimately, business is a vehicle for you to create in your world, right?

Through business, you can, uh, contribute to the world in the way that you wanna contribute. You-- Through business, you can create a structure that is based around how you wanna use your time. You can, through business, you can leverage your value and create money. And of course, we live in a world where money is what we use to exchange to pay for the things of, of what we wanna experience in our life.

And so growing your business and growing it in a way that supports you in living a life that you actually wanna live, and having the impact that you wanna have, and having the time and money available that you wanna have, requires you to become the person who naturally does the things that means your business behaves [00:11:00] in that way.

And so that's a lot to do with your visibility, and your structure, and who you're connected to, and how you relate to other people, and how you value yourself and what you offer, and how connected you are to the value that you provide other people, and how willing you are to receive money, and to be seen receiving money, and to have more money than what you need necessarily, right?

Like, the- there's a lot of the things that is gonna create in you a change of how you've been relating to the world so far. And so this really requires you to, uh, step into a new level of self-trust, a new level of being your own authority, a new level of your own power. Because power and authority, a lot of people put power and authority external to them and think, "Oh, if I've got power, I ha-- I'm having power over [00:12:00] people."

But it's not about that at all. It's about having power over your own life. It means that you're not allowing other people to have power over you, right? Being your own authority means that you're the one who decides what's good, bad, right, wrong, otherwise. You're not looking outside of you to see who th- who thinks what is good, bad, right, wrong, or otherwise.

Uh, and so, you know, you have to stop asking for permission, and you have to integrate that power and create a structure that supports you in being able to expand your capacity and hold more of what you want. And that takes a new level of responsibility, right? Whatever we wanna create for ourselves, uh, is going to have a set of responsibilities in being able to create and maintain that what we have And so, you know, this is why I always say that this is why business is one of the greatest personal development journeys in the world [00:13:00] because of who it requires us to become so that we can create what it is that we wanna create.

And so, you know, this is why when I'm working with my clients, w- we don't just work on strategy, and this is what I see that fails in so many other, um, business coaching programs, and what people tell me time and time a- again, and what I've found myself, is that you can go into these programs and they have incredible strategies and, you know, all the best things, but they miss out on the deep personal development, or they have a very small amount of personal development, or they have a very generic personal development element, and they don't understand your actual patterns and behaviors that have been stopping you from implementing the strategies that, you know, they teach.

And so, you know, we have to be really aware of this in our, in ourselves so that we can seek the help that you actually need. Okay? So, you [00:14:00] know, this is where we've gotta be really clued in and understanding the signals that we get from our own nervous system because your nervous system creates your capacity, right?

Your nervous system i- is what holds, uh, which has the capacity to hold whatever it is that you wanna create in your life. And so, you know, it's not-- Your business isn't just gonna grow because you have the best, um, marketing strategy or the best sales skills. It's going to grow because you become the person who's just a complete magnetic match for having those skills, for being congruent with those skills.

Because this is a thing that people often, um, don't realize or don't understand or interpret in the wrong way, is that they go, "Well, I'm doing all the right things," right? "I'm doing all the things, I'm saying all the things, but I'm still not getting the result." And the problem is, is that your energetic signal that's underneath that is not [00:15:00] aligned with what you're doing or saying.

Right? This makes a big difference, and you'll know when you read someone's content. There's content that you read, and you'll read it and you'll go, "Oh my God, I wanna be in that person's program." Right? Because you just think, "Oh, I can-- They're talking to me. I can hear exactly what they're saying. They understand my problem, and they're demonstrating that they are creating these results for themselves."

Right? And then there's other people who might say the exact same thing, but there's something that you go, "Hmm, something's just not gelling for me there. There's something that's not exactly right." Like I feel like there's something that they're not telling me, or it's not really gonna be what it sounds like it is when I get there.

Um, and this is the difference between people that are completely aligned with what they're offering and people that have got some underlying stuff that's not aligned with what they say they wanna create. So, you know, if you're someone who, [00:16:00] um Feels uncomfortable being visible or being really authentic in your visibility, 'cause there's a lot of people that will go, "Oh, I'm really good at being visible," but, um, they're, they're just, just repeating information.

Like, they're not really connecting with anyone. They're not re- you know, they don't wanna reveal too much about themselves. They don't wanna make too big a claims or anything else, so they become very vanilla, right? And they're not being that visible. Just because someone can see you doesn't mean that they can hear you or feel you at a deep level.

Um, you know, sometimes people say that they wanna make more money, but then feel really guilty about receiving money, and have got some kind of, you know, blocks around how much money that they can have, or anything more than enough to pay the bills is unconsciously makes them feel like they're being greedy or that they shouldn't be taking money from other people.

Um, you know, there's all of these underlying things that can be happening. And so [00:17:00] this becomes exhausting, right? This becomes exhausting when you're pushing, pushing, pushing, and you're trying to do all these things, but you feel like it's not going anywhere, right? Because you're out of alignment, and that's when people get to this space and go, "Oh, stuff it.

It's all too hard. I wanna give up." But the thing is, you have to know is that your breakthrough is right in the middle of that resistance, right? And I know that's probably not the news you wanna hear, but it's the truth, right? Your breakthrough is right in the middle of that resistance that you don't wanna have to face.

And so, you know, I'm always interested in this. When anyone comes to me and they say, like, "Toni, I'm just like, I'm, I'm done. I've had enough. I feel like I'm making all this effort and it's not going anywhere, and da, da, da, da," I'm like, I just get really curious, right? I just get really curious about what are they [00:18:00] standing on the edge of.

What is it that they've outgrown in themselves that they're still holding onto and wondering why it's not getting them to where they want to get to next? And, uh, and, and the key thing to this is that ultimately there's somewhere in your mind, in the back of your mind unconsciously, that thinks that doing what you need to do to get you to the next level is gonna cost you something, right?

It's that, it feels like it's gonna cost you something, and so I'm always curious to find out what that is. And ultimately, it is some relationship that you have with, um, how you connect to other people, how you connect to your own power and your own authority, which means how much do you feel like you can put energy into creating what it is that you want without worrying what about other people think, right?

Without worrying about how is it gonna affect other people. Because there's a big [00:19:00] difference between deliberately harming people and, uh, people that just want to control you and get upset if you don't do what they expect you to do, right? Harming people is bad, right? People wanting to control you is not your problem, right?

It is not your problem. What people think about what you're saying or what you're doing or whatever else as you go for your goals is not your problem. That's their problem. And you stepping into your power and stepping up into this next level, if it's triggering anyone, then they can be happy about that because it is you helping them see where their next level of growth is.

Right? If you keep yourself small for worry about how the out- outside world will respond to you, then you're just robbing everyone of growth. You're robbing yourself of growth and anybody else who is watching you. So if you are feeling that you've been at [00:20:00] this place and you're like, "Oh my God, I feel like I'm banging my head against the wall, and I'm stressed out, and I've had enough, and I don't wanna do it anymore," like, take a break.

Don't... The answer isn't just to keep working and working and pushing and pushing and pushing and pushing. Like, take a break. Give yourself a break. Give yourself, like, a day off from thinking about it, right? Go for a walk. Do something to shift that energy. You know, you can do it... You can... Other things that are really good to shift your energy, actually, is even like, you know, like, if you can go boxing, go boxing.

If you can jump up and down on the spot, do that. Like, wave your arms up and down. Like, really do some big movements in your body to shift some energy, 'cause that feeling that you're feeling is just energy that's in your body, and you need to shift it. And if you, you, like, create some big movement, you'll create big energy in yourself, which will increase your energy, which means you increase your ability to feel like you can change things.

That's really important. But, [00:21:00] so take a break from the work, but don't take a break from your goal, right? This is the important thing. If you have set a goal and you wanna get to it, and there's something that you want to achieve, then don't take a break from that goal. By all means, take a break for the day if you need to.

Go for a walk, get off your desk, whatever you need to do. Jump around, dance, put music on, whatever you need to do to take a break from that state you're in. But don't take a break from your goal, because you'll be robbing yourself of the growth of getting there, and you'll be robbing yourself of the satisfaction of ever achieving that goal

Now This is a topic that, like I said, I talk to a lot of people about. It comes up a lot. I've been through it. I know if you're listening to this, you've now no doubt been through it. But the important thing is to understand it is a process you go through. It is not the end of the line, right? It is a [00:22:00] process that you go through.

So have real curiosity about it, right? Have real curiosi- curiosity about what's going on for yourself. And ultimately, don't try and do business alone. Do not try to do business alone. When you're in business, you need to have somebody that you can talk to and unpack this stuff that's going on in your head.

Somebody, like, n- not somebody who's-- doesn't understand your mindset. Don't go and talk to somebody who's gonna say, "Yeah, you're right. Just pack it in and give up because it's all too hard." Don't talk to somebody like that. Talk to somebody who understands the challenge. Talk to somebody who's been through the challenge.

Talk to someone who's trained as a coach and mindset expert who can help you understand what's going on for yourself. You are worth the investment in yourself, in being able to progress and be able to [00:23:00] create what it is that you want in your life, okay? No one who succeeds in business does it alone. No one who succeeds in business had it all worked out.

No one who succeeds in business had a smooth pathway to where they want to get to, right? It's understanding this is part of the journey. It's part of the journey. This too shall pass. There will be a point in time when you'll look back and you go, "Oh my God, I r- I remember that time." Right? "I remember th- where I was."

Um, we go through these things all of the time. Your next level will always bring you up against some kind of challenge that at some point will feel like, you know what? I just wanna kick you in the face and tell you where to go and go home and sit and just chill, right? That'll happen. It doesn't mean that it's time to burn your business down.

There's always a way through. Hope that [00:24:00] has landed for you today. I really do. I really hope that's landed for you today, and if it has and you wanna talk to someone, reach out to me, email me. You know where my details are. You know how to find me on the socials. Check out the show notes. Um, I'm helping people through stuff all the time, and, and the thing that also I want you to know, when I'm working with people in business, 80% of the time I am working with them on stuff around their mindset that doesn't really have anything to do with business.

It's just that their business has been the signal that has brought it into their, uh, awareness. So if you've got problems in your relationship, if you've got problems with your family, if you've got problems with, you know, how you feel about yourself, the worthiness, all that kind of stuff, that is the kind of stuff that will be showing up in your business and making your business feel hard.

So you can thank your business for being the, uh, awareness of [00:25:00] all of that, and this is the stuff that I work on with people all the time. So I can guarantee you whatever it is that you're dealing with and you have to resolve, I probably have been through it myself. I've either heard other people go through it.

I've helped other people through it. There are no surprises, right? You're not gonna be the first person with some random thing that nobody else has. People are people are people. Everybody has problems. They're just not talking about them, and that's why it feels like you're the only person and that you wanna go and give up and pack up and burn it all down, but don't do that, my friend.

There is help for you. And, uh, and yeah, there are, um, definitely ways that I can help you. Like I said, reach out to me. There's my five-day challenge as well. There's some spots open for that in July. Um, the five-day challenge has been incredible. The amount of clarity that people get around their numbers, their pricing, their relationship to money, their ideal clients, their [00:26:00] visibility, their structure, being able to receive the support in their business, and, and how to scale is off the charts.

It has got so many amazing reviews. Uh, if you've been thinking about being part of my challenge and you're in business and you've got some runs on the board, but you're feeling like it's time to hit the next level, then hit me up and, uh, I will definitely see how I can help you out, because I love working with people in business, and I wanna see you succeed.

So that's it for me today. Remember, you're a superstar, and, uh, you just, just even attempting being in business puts you in another category that most people won't understand, and I'm backing you all the way. You're an absolute legend. Bye-bye.