Ep 134: Toni Everard - Your Relationship with Authority is Controlling Your Visibility, Money & Freedom

As a service-based business owner, you are doing all the right things in your business…
Showing up, creating content, trying to grow…
And yet something still feels hard, inconsistent or unclear.

In this episode, Toni Everard unpacks a deeper pattern that sits underneath visibility, income and self-expression.

Because this isn’t just about business strategy.

It’s about your relationship with authority.

Toni shares how the way you relate to authority in your everyday life…
whether that’s feeling nervous around the police, overthinking tax, or worrying about getting something wrong…
Is the exact same pattern showing up in your business.

From an esoteric perspective, she explores how your early relationship with your father figure can shape how safe it feels to be seen, to lead and to decide your own value.

This episode connects the dots between authority, visibility and money and why business only starts to feel simple and aligned when you stop looking for permission and begin trusting yourself as the one who decides.

This is for coaches, practitioners and service providers who know they’re capable of more but still feel like something internal is holding them back from being fully seen, fully expressed and fully paid.

In this episode, you will learn:

• How your relationship with authority in everyday life is shaping your business results
• Why feeling nervous around the police, tax or “getting it wrong” reflects a deeper pattern
• The link between your father and how you perceive authority and value
• Why visibility feels unsafe when authority still sits outside of you
• How fear of criticism and judgment keeps you playing small in your content
• Why you second guess your pricing, offers and decisions
• The connection between authority and how much money you allow yourself to receive
• Why business feels harder when you are unconsciously looking for permission
• What changes when you begin to trust yourself as the authority
• How visibility, money and client flow shift when you stop fighting yourself internally

This isn’t just about confidence.

You need to change your relationship with authority.

Because when you trust yourself to decide to lead and to stand in your value, business stops feeling like something you have to prove.

And starts feeling like something you get to lead.

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Transcript

0:00

You are listening to the Coaching Circle with Tony Everard, business and Mindset coach and your strategic thinking partner. This podcast is for those who want to step out of the hustle and glow in the flow. We'll talk about all things mindset, energy, and structure so you can evolve from the inside out and build a business that supports the life you want to live. Let's dive in. Welcome to this episode of The Coaching Circle, and today's episode is going to be a juicy one, and, uh, the topic for today is your relationship with authority and why that's controlling your relationship with visibility, money, and freedom in your business. So get ready for this. This is going to go deep. Now, the reason I'm talking about this today is because I've been having a lot of conversations lately with, uh, new clients and people that've been coming through my five day challenge, and the conversations have been around something that doesn't necessarily look like a business problem on the surface. But of course, how you show up in life is how you show up in business. And this problem really shapes how visible people feel safe being, how much money they allow themselves to receive, and not just in revenue, because I see sometimes that people can make revenue, but they still don't pay themselves appropriately. And also how much freedom. People actually allow themselves to experience because, you know, one of the, uh, problems that I see with people in business is that they have a fear of getting burnt out. And all this is really closely related. And this is all to do with the relationship with authority. And I want you to just think for a moment before I go too deeply into this, is when I mention the word authority, how does that feel for you? Does it feel like it feels, you know, a little bit uncomfortable for you? You know, what is the kind of image that comes to mind when you think about authority? And if it is something that feels a bit uncomfortable for you, it is a good indication that this is something that's going on for you. And so I'll give you some examples of where it's common. That people who haven't fully integrated their own authority feel uncomfortable. And that could be that you feel uneasy when you see the police. So, you know, perhaps, uh, you, you, the police pull you over, you get pulled in for a breath test and even though you don't drink, or haven't drank or whatever, you feel your heart rate increasing and you feel like there might be a chance you're gonna get in trouble for something. Uh, other places it might show up is that you might overthink whether you've done your tax properly. And if you're doing your own tax return, you might be really overthinking what you are claiming or, uh, are you gonna make any mistakes or somehow get in trouble with the tax department? You might worry that, uh, you know, you are gonna get something wrong. You are gonna make a mistake and that people are gonna be upset with you. You might be holding back what you actually wanna say in case someone corrects you or disagrees with you or is upset by what you say. And that could show up as you know, social anxiety and different things like that as well. And the important thing is to know here is that. These aren't random reactions. They're showing you how you relate to authority. And uh, and you know, even if we look at sort of some of the real obvious ones is when you see people that are like, um, really against the police and they're like, oh, the police and f the police and all this kind of stuff, it's like, it's. That sort of behavior is like a, uh, the maturity of a teenager, right? Like a teenager who is rebelling against their parents or rebelling against authority, and it shows an amount of emotional immaturity essentially. And what all that means is that you have not integrated your own authority and your own power just yet. And that's why this becomes a problem in business, and we'll go more into this, but from an esoteric perspective, when we think about where do we learn about authority, it comes from the relationship that you have with your father. So from a esoteric perspective, or even in astrology and um, spirituality and all different things, your relationship with your mother will determine your inner world and your relationship with yourself and your relationship with your father will influence your relationship with the external world and authority. So not just around rules, but how you learned, what authority feels like and how you believe the world perceives your value. Where you believe you sit in society, what you think the world thinks about you. So these are the things we wanna consider. For you as a child. Was authority or your father figure, did it feel safe to be around them? Or were they critical? Do you remember being yelled at, or shouted at, or laughed at or dismissed? Did you have to earn approval from them? Did you feel like you could speak to your father figure about anything? Or were there things that you just really avoided telling him for fear of how he would react? Or that he would withdraw from you or that he would get upset and not take responsibility for his own emotions, because that can become something as well, is that you might have learned that you have to manage someone else's emotions to stay connected. But whatever that dynamic was, it doesn't stay in childhood. And this is, this is where the real problem is. That imprint becomes your default way of relating to authority. So if authority felt unpredictable, then you'll stay very cautious. And if authority felt critical, you'll fear being wrong or upsetting people. And if authority felt distant, then you, you'll constantly be seeking validation. From other people, and that's why everyday situations can feel really charged for you, even when logically you know you are fine. Right? So let's now bring this into business. How does this play out in business? Because the thing in business is that there is no one above you. Okay. There is no boss. There is no one who says, this is your worth. This is how much you're gonna get paid for this job. There's no one approving your decisions. There's no one telling you what you can or can't say. Right? And if you haven't integrated your own authority, you will look for outside of you. And it will really interrupt and really hamper you in achieving your goals and being visible and earning the kind of money that you wanna earn. So if you fear being wrong. That will become hesitation in your content or you will become, uh, someone who's creating content that's very, um, soft, that's very vanilla, that doesn't have, uh, a lot of discussion about actual results or outcomes, right? That's another thing that really shows up when there is the unintegrated authority within self, is that you'll just be trying to create safe content. Most people will talk about problems as if they're problems that other people have and not them, but they won't talk about, they won't own their own issues and challenges that they've overcome, and they also won't own the actual outcomes that they can get for people. Now this becomes a problem because. If you can't talk in ways of really owning your leadership in something and owning the outcomes that you can get, you are not going to attract people who want outcomes. You are going to attract people who want to stay stuck in their problems and limit how much they pay you as a support person rather than a leader or a guide that's gonna take them to a valuable outcome. If you've got fear of criticism, then you'll also play very small. You'll find it hard to be consistent on social media for fear that someone is going to, uh, start trolling you or start leaving upsetting comments on your content. Uh, that need for approval from something outside of yourself also shows up where you second guess your pricing. And your office and your decisions, and you might even find that you know it. There's some areas where you feel safe in, but then there's some areas that you don't. And this is when we start looking at visibility and how this pattern affects visibility. Because if visibility feels unsafe. You'll have a fear of being judged. And so if authority still sits outside of you'cause you haven't integrated into your own authority and power, then judgment feels like it has the the power to define your value. And this is why money can feel inconsistent or harder than it needs to be because you only allow yourself to receive at the level you feel safe. Being seen, being challenged, and being fully responsible for. And so if as a child you felt that you didn't have permission to be fully expressed, you couldn't fully express your emotions, you couldn't voice your opinions or even do the things that actually brought you joy or ease, unless you were given permission to, then you'll still be looking for permission to succeed in business and you'll make things a lot harder than what they need to be. And so this is exactly why so many people can do really well in a job where there is an external authority. There's a boss who says, this is what you're allowed to be paid. This is what work you need to do to earn that. And uh, and these are the rules. But when you're in your own business, you have to give yourself permission. You have to be able to decide what's okay for you. And be a good boss to yourself. And uh, and when we look at visibility, like I said, it could be in different layers. You might say, well, yeah, I am showing up on social media. I am being visible on social media. And maybe you are posting regularly, but what are you posting? Are you posting about problems or are you posting about outcomes? Are you posting about what other people need to do, or are you owning your own transformation and being vulnerable enough to share your own insights? Because all of this will lead to really demonstrating how safe you feel being visible. And how much you worry about other people being, uh, other people judging you. And if you are worried about other people judging you, that's because you think that the power and authority belongs outside of you. And so that other people's judgments, other people's perceptions have more influence over you than your own. And this is something that you need to resolve, and it's a part of. Uh, emotional maturity, right? Emotional maturity, becoming a whole person. And this is why business is such a great vehicle for your growth because it requires you to be more of yourself. It requires you to be your own authority to step into your own power. And you know what I see with a lot of people is that being. Their own power being powerful and having power over their own lives and being the authority in their own lives feels like unconsciously that it threatens connection because people were so used to being needed and supporting people through a relationship where you are needed, that you'll constantly dismiss your own needs. You will, uh. I override what needs to happen in your business to go and fulfill someone else's needs where you get to feel needed and important and connected. And if you need to then treat your business seriously and step into your own power and authority and how you operate your business and sharp consistently in your business, and really do the things that you need to do in your business, then you're probably gonna have to say no to people. For things, and I'm talking about adults here, other adults that you'll need to say no to. They could be adult children, they could be adult partners, they could be adult parents, whoever it is, whose needs you are putting above your own. You have to be willing to find a way that you can stay connected to people without. Sacrificing yourself without abandoning your own needs. And that only comes when you integrate fully your own power and authority, and that's not having power and authority over other people. It's having your own power and authority over yourself and your own outcomes, and not taking responsibility for other people's instead. So this is, this is the real work. Okay. When. When you can really anchor into this, then everything becomes so much easier in your business. And this is the work that I do with people. I would say the, the real work of what gets my client's results. And when I talk about results, this is, you know, a client who after a session went on and had a 10 K month, another client after a session went on and got her first five and a half thousand dollars client. Right. Another client, when we went through this, all of a sudden her numbers seemed easy for her to work out in her business. Okay? All of this happens with strategy, probably 20%, and the mindset shifts and personal growth at about 80%.'cause I can assure you, whatever you need to do in business, you know what it is that you need to do. And you can adapt to, well. However, it changes because business changes pretty fast. You can adapt to that. You can do tech, you can do all kinds of things. You can become a really great content creator. You can really master business quite easily once you do the internal work that you allow yourself to become a powerful person, to become a leader. To become the authority in what it is that you do in your business. And so this is the work that I do with people. It's not just helping you with strategy, it's helping you shift your relationship with authority and integrating that for yourself. And when that happens, just everything becomes so much more simple. So what are some of the things that you see when you integrate your own authority? Well. You stop waiting for permission from other people. You speak clearly. You back your pricing. You trust your decisions. And that's when it becomes really interesting because all of a sudden clients just seem to come out of everywhere. And the reason why is because. The signal that you are sending out in your messaging and through the internet and through wherever people find you, has a very different imprint. And it has the imprint of a leader. It has the imprint of someone who is fully resourced and capable of, uh, taking care of themselves. So clients don't feel any of this inconsistencies of. Where they need to worry about whether you are gonna be triggered by anything or not. Because when you are stepping into your own power and authority, it's very easy for you to have, have clear boundaries, to hold your boundaries, to not be triggered by other stuff because you're not making it mean things about you. And. It's a much cleaner energy and it's very magnetic. It's something that people wanna step into, and you just suddenly realize that business isn't as difficult as you were making it out to be. And so. And you'll have more energy as well. You'll have greater capacity for what in your business used to feel draining because you're no longer in conflict with yourself. You're no longer trying to behave in a way that's in conflict with what's really going on for you underneath. And so more clients flow in conversations are cleaner. You lead. Selling feels natural. People can feel that when you're standing in your own authority and they want to have more of that. They want to experience that for themselves. And so at some point, all of this needs to become a decision. If you are sitting there thinking, oh, this is all very good and I can kind of. Relate to it, but what next? How do I resolve it? Well, it's a decision. You have to decide that you are willing to resolve it. The reason that most people don't resolve what's going on is because unconsciously they know that what they're doing serves a purpose. Okay, so if staying powerless makes you feel like it's easier for you to stay connected to certain people, then you'll resist finding ways that will actually make you more powerful. But the thing that you have to decide is that it is safe for you to step into your own power and authority, and that you can do that and still be connected to people. You can do that and actually be connected to people in a much healthier way that inspires other people to grow as well, rather than you lowering your standards to stay connected with people at a level that doesn't actually inspire them to grow either. So you have to think about that. Am I going to keep relating to authority as something outside of me and avoid taking responsibility for my own results? Or am I gonna become the one who decides to resolve this to step into my next level of personal growth? Because at the end of the day, even though these patterns go back to the relationship with your father, figure your dad isn't the problem. The police aren't the problem. The tax office aren't the problem. The trolls on the internet aren't the problem, Kathy, that you went to high school with, who you're friends with on Facebook, who you think's watching you isn't the problem, okay? They're just people that are activating the pattern wherever you feel triggered. It's just an indication of where this pattern is playing out. So the real question is. Will you trust yourself to stand in your value without needing someone else to confirm it? Will you trust yourself to do the work so that you can step into your full power? Because it's always an illusion that holding onto these old patterns keeps you safe. Your full power is where you are safe. It's where you are in control. It's where you get to decide who is in connection with you, not the other way round. And then visibility becomes simple. Money becomes clean, business becomes light, and not because the outside world's changed, it's because you've changed and how you relate to the outside world. So when you stop looking for permission and become the authority, that's when you're gonna step up as a business leader. That's when you're going to have influence. That's when you're going to make an impact. That's when you are actually going to get your clients the most results. Okay? Clients aren't gonna get results just from you talking about problems. They're going to get results from you standing in your power and owning your value and leading them to the outcomes that they can't get as easy by themselves. So I'd love to know how this has resonated with you today. This is a hot topic. I've been having a lot of conversations about it. It's definitely a conversation. It's a, it's a conversation I've have with pretty much all my clients and it's work that I've done on myself at, on so many levels. And, uh, I can assure you if you're in business and any of this is resonating with you. You haven't heard this as a coincidence, it's a sign. There are no signer signs, so this is your sign to do something about it. And if you wanna know how I can help reach out, you can email me at tony@tonyever.com. You can go to the show notes, you can find on my details there. And, uh, let's chat. Your next level of business is depending on you. On claiming and owning and integrating your power and authority. If you love this episode, you can help me get the message out to more people. Simply leave a review and share this episode with someone who'd love to hear it. Thanks for tuning into the Coaching Circle. I'll catch you in the next episode.