Ep 124: Toni Everard - How to Love Selling and Being Sold To

If you have a business, selling is part of the deal. Yet for many service providers, selling feels heavy, awkward or loaded, even when they genuinely care about the work they offer.

In this episode, business and mindset coach Toni Everard explores why discomfort with selling is often less about sales skills and more about authority, power and responsibility. Toni unpacks the hidden contradiction of being willing to sell, but not feeling comfortable being sold to, and how this reveals deeper patterns around control, consent and self-trust.

This conversation reframes selling as an energetic exchange rather than a moral issue, and looks at how clean boundaries, healthy masculine and feminine energy, and personal authority transform both selling and receiving into a clear, respectful and even enjoyable process.

This episode is for service providers who want to reach their first six figures without manipulation, pressure or self-doubt, and who want selling to feel clean, confident and aligned.

In this episode, you will learn:

• Why being uncomfortable with being sold to directly affects how you sell
• How authority in your own life makes both selling and buying feel safer
• Why selling and being sold to are the same energetic exchange from different sides
• How blurred power dynamics create resistance, projection and over-explaining in sales
• The role of healthy masculine and feminine energy in clean, confident selling
• How selling becomes a choice-based conversation rather than a threat or obligation

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If this episode resonated, send Toni a DM on Instagram or LinkedIn and share what stood out for you.

If you found it valuable, share it with someone who runs a service-based business and wants selling to feel confident and clean, or leave a review to help more people discover The Coaching Circle.

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Links and Resources:

🔹 The Turning Point Book Pre-Release

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Transcript

0:00

You are listening to the Coaching Circle with Tony Everard, business and Mindset coach and your strategic thinking partner. This podcast is for those who want to step out of the hustle and glow in the flow. We'll talk about all things mindset, energy, and structure so you can evolve from the inside out and build a business that supports the life you want to live. Let's dive in. All right. Welcome to this episode of the Coaching Circle podcast. Now, if you haven't listened to episode 1 23, I do suggest you listen to this. This is a little bit of a three part series, so this episode, episode 1 24, I'm talking about how to love selling and being sold to, and this is really important. Now, last episode, 1, 2, 3, I spoke about. Being okay with receiving. So these really go hand in hand. And then there'll be another episode after this one that's going to wrap this up as well. But today, how to love selling and being sold to this is super important because look, let's face it, if you are in business, you are in sales. There is no two ways about it. You might think that you are a coach or a service provider or. Therapist practitioner, yes, absolutely. But if that's all you did, you would have a job. You wouldn't have a business. If you have a business, you are in sales. You need to be able to sell those services so that you can actually provide those services. Like it's bit of a no brainer, but this is a common trap that people get into. And I certainly was for me, because I remember. I used to hate sales and it's a big reason why I left working in a bank. I worked in banking for about 10 years before I studied accounting and then went and worked in accounting. But in banking, if you go into a branch, all of those people that work in that branch have got sales targets, and that is to sell you into some other kind of product. And I used to hate it with a passion. I absolutely detested it. Of course my manager who had his own KPIs which included making sure that his staff were hitting their sales targets, used to say to me, Tony, how can I motivate you to get these targets? And I'd be like, but you don't understand the clients here love me. My role here is that people like to come in and see me and that I provide really great service, but I just didn't get at that point in time that sales is service. Sales is definitely service, because when we think about sales, all it is is that you have a solution to someone's problem and you take the time to understand what someone's problem is, how they could have a better experience in life, business, whatever it is, and then you match a product or service that you offer to solve their problem. And then they go, wow, this is amazing. Now I've made progress in my life. I've got a better experience of life in whatever way that is, that you are solving it and they're happy, right? It's much more happy than they just like you. If you solve their problems, they're gonna respect you as well and respect. We'll go much further than just liking. Because here's the thing, if. Someone respects you. They don't have to like every single thing that you say, they will still respect you. However, if someone just likes you but don't respect you, then you are forever trying to make sure you're pleasing them. Because if they don't like you and they don't respect you, then they're at the door. Okay? It's a really important thing to think about. So if you're in business, you have to be okay with sales. You're not just a coach, you're not just a practitioner. You're not just a service provider. You are a business owner, and the highest intention of business is to make money. Okay? Now, you might be saying, no, the highest intention of my business is to help people, but you could help people as a hobby, as a charity, as a not-for-profit. In all kinds of ways, if you've got a business, business is a structure that's highest intention is to make money. So you have to be okay with sales. And this isn't just like a mindset statement. It's not just like motivational. It's the reality of the path that you've chosen, right? If you're in business. And so this is what I wanna talk about today because I love business. I love supporting people in business. I think it's an amazing structure. I think it can absolutely change your life. It will absolutely require you to evolve and to grow within yourself. And sales is a big part of that because the thing is if you know how to sell, you can transfer that skill to anything. Selling is the out of you being able to. Exchange something of value so that you can receive money to then go and create what it is you want in your life. That's super important skill. That's part of this evolution. It's empowering. Being able to sell is hugely empowering. It's means that you know how to influence and exchange and you understand energy in a way that. You can help other people to get what they want so that you can create what it is that you want in life. That's really the basics of selling. But of course there is this evolution and oftentimes people can feel really icky about selling or you might have got to a point of yeah, I love. Selling, but maybe you still think that you don't like being sold to. It's oh no, I love selling. I just hate being sold to. If that's you, then you don't truly love selling. Okay? Because if you love selling, you love everything about selling. Okay? It's like thinking if you've got a one of your kids, right? And you're like, oh, I, I love my children. You don't just go, I only love them when they're being good. I only love them when things are going my way. No, you still gotta love them when they're being naughty. You still gotta love them when you're having to clean up their mess. You still gotta love them when they, when you're chasing their nappies, right? You gotta be okay with all of the parts of it. And this is the same as selling, okay? Same as selling. And so what I wanna talk about though is what is underneath this? What is it that if you are feeling like you don't like being sold to what's actually going on there? And this will relate as well to if you don't like selling, they're all hand in hand, right? So either one. If there's any discrepancies here for you around selling this is episode is absolutely for you. And so often I find this more prominent with my really heart led business owners, right? People that are here and they wanna help than selling or being sold to can feel a bit icky and we need to get over that, right? You need to find a way to evolve past that and find a way to not just like. Put up with feeling icky, but to shift it in your mind so it actually feels good and it feels fun, and maybe even feels like a game for you, right? That's ultimately what we are all here. We're all playing this big game called life, and your job is just to get better at doing the things and solving the problems so that you can enjoy your time here. And that's super important. If you are in business and in fact gamifying business I highly recommend, soon as you gamify things, you're gonna engage a different part of your mind that's going to just take all the resistance out of it. That's probably topic for another episode, to be honest, but let's get back to this contradiction, right? Where people say I love selling, but I don't like being sold to. And on the surface it's oh yeah, that sounds reasonable. I can really get around that. But energetically it's incongruent, right? Energetically it's incongruent because selling and being sold to other same exchange, just opposite sides of the coin, okay? Really gotta understand that both involve desire. Both involve influence, both involve choice. But if feeling, if being sold to feels uncomfortable for you, or it feels like you're being manipulated or threatening or just icky, then there's something deeper going on. And it's not about ethics. People might say, oh, because people are just like, they're out of integrity. None of that is the problem. The problem is your own authority and whether you feel like you are your own authority, or whether you feel like other people have got power over you, and this is really important. This is a big level up, is stepping into being your own authority, okay? Because when you know you, your own authority, you're less worried about what other people think or what they're trying to do with you or to you, okay? So when being sold to feels unsafe. It is often triggering these old patterns of where you don't feel like you're the authority in your life. So it could be patterns where other people had power over you and their expectations weren't really clear. Or saying no, didn't feel safe, or receiving meant that you owed them something or that someone else perhaps decided what was best for you and they didn't respect your boundaries, or they didn't encourage you to even have your own boundaries. And so you know, you've been in this place where you feel like you are being manipulated and you don't have your own authority. And we can look at this in all different ways. If you look at it as astrologically, your 10th house is where authority sits. It's also father figure. So that masculine energy, so how you relate to that. So if you had maybe a really overbearing father or a someone who just did not empower you, if you weren't empowered as a young child and look. A lot of people weren't because if as a parent you don't know how to discipline children or to help them grow or redirect their behavior, you may just choose to overpower them. That's what people have done in years gone past. And that then what it does is it's like you might create a compliant child, but you also create a child that doesn't feel like they're an authority and they might either be scared of authority or rebel against authority. Both of just flip sides of the same coin where you don't feel like you are your own authority. And if you don't feel like you have that agency or you're an authority, if someone's selling to you, then that might make your body react. It might make you feel like, a bit of a tightening or bracing yourself, or just that a bit of I'm a bit repulsed or repelled because you feel like you need to protect yourself or it's not safe. It's not safe for you to be there, and so it is not an irrational response. It's just a learned res response, but if that's how being sold to feels for you, then it will quietly affect how you sell. This is really important. Now, you might say, but I love selling. I can guarantee you if that's what you think and you hate being sold to, you only love selling. When people come to you and they're just, it is just an easy sale. Like they just randomly come to you and that, that's fine. Everybody loves it. When someone comes up and says, you are amazing. Can I buy your offer all day, every day? That would be awesome. But sales that, that whole art of sales that might only represent 20% or 30% of, whatever of actual sales. And if that's the only sales you're doing, you are not being on enough sales books, you are not getting in front of enough people and it will cap your income. I can guarantee you, if you think you love sales, but you hate being sold to, you are not having half as many sales in your business as you want. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I would put money on it. Okay. So as I said, authority is the missing piece here. So to feel clean being sold to, you need to deeply trust one thing, and that is that no one else has power over you. That is being, knowing your own authority. And you can see it across the board, you can see it on social media, you can see it everywhere. The people who don't feel like they have authority because they are speaking out about being controlled and all those kinds of things, right? And so you have to know that no one actually has power over you and that you always get to decide what's right for you. And you always get to say yes or no. You are also responsible for your own choices. So if you make a decision, you take responsibility for how that will go. You're not gonna blame somebody else for it, and you trust yourself to make the most of it to make the most of whatever you choose. And when that authority is present, then being sold to becomes much more interesting. Rather than threatening, it means that you can listen. It means that you can feel into it. It means that you can be moved or not moved if you choose to. It means you can make it a bit of a game. You can be interested in, okay, what is this person going to offer me? What benefit is there, here for me? You can play the game and it's much more energizing, right? Rather than threatening. And so you know that whatever you choose, you can back yourself in that decision. Someone can give you the best sales and all that kind of offers, and they can ask you as many times as you like and you can know that Actually, if this isn't for me, I can just say no. And that's okay. I don't have to worry about their feelings. I don't have to worry about, taking care of their emotions. So I'm not gonna be influenced that way. If you're the authority of yourself as well, you can trust yourself to ask bargain if you want, negotiate, see if you can get a better deal and enjoy the process. Enjoy the excitement and trusting that you're going to get the value out of whatever you've decided to purchase. That's adult authority, right? That you are the one who's in control of that. When we have this clean sense of personal authority, then selling changes. When you trust yourself in this way, selling stops feeling heavy because you are no longer worried about convincing people or managing people's reactions or being misunderstood or being blamed. If someone doesn't get results, you are simply offering what you know people want. Selling becomes an invitation, not a. Defense game, and this is also where masculine and feminine energy come into play as well, right? Having that really clear structure and boundaries for yourself means you can play this game. It says that you can clearly say, here's what I've got to offer. This is who it's for. This is how it works. This is the boundaries of what I'm providing. And then the healthy feminine energies there that can have the openness, right? It allows the desire, the curiosity, that resonance, the willingness to be moved. And so when we've got both of those things. Present, then selling becomes this amazing dance, right? It's fun. You can seduce without manipulating. You can invite without collapsing, you can receive without needing to control the outcome. So then being sold to feels the same. It feels engaging. It feels alive. It feels clean, and so this is why this is, this next point is why it's so super important for you to love both selling and being sold to is that if you don't like being sold to, then that will be become your projection. That will become your projection. And what that means is that if you don't like being sold to, you are going to imagine that the person you are selling to doesn't like being sold to either, right? Let that sink in. If you don't like being sold to, you are going to imagine that the person you are selling to doesn't like being sold to either. Ew, that's not fun. So you are gonna secretly be thinking that person is thinking that you are gonna try to get something from them. You will start over explaining. You'll start softening your language not to upset anyone. You'll start discounting things. You'll avoid clear invitations or going for, definite yes or no. You'll make it really easy for people to say no, but hard to say yes. All of this stuff will get just super complicated if you are having a projection that person doesn't like being sold to and that isn't the type of energy that you want to be in. So selling needs to become something that you love both sides of. You are the authority of yourself so that you are, you give yourself permission to sell something and you give other people permission to decide that they're the authority of that, right? They're not gonna come back and blame you or accuse you of being pushy or whatever else, because they can just say no if they don't want it, right? They can just say no, and that's the same as you. That you can enjoy being sold to, knowing that you can just say no if it's not for you, and you can say yes, if it is right. Feel the difference in that energy. How much lighter does it feel when you know that you can say yes or no, and so can your clients? And there's no emotional manipulation happening. It's authority, right? It's authority. People cannot manipulate you if you are your own authority. And that's what you want for your clients as well. You want your clients to be their own authority so that they can make clean decisions, yes or no to come into your thing. They can choose. You want people to be able to choose. 'cause you don't want people to come in with buyer's remorse, right? You want them to choose. So you wanna give them an energy that feels like, yes, I want to choose this. Oh, if it's a no that they say no and they just say it straight out and move on, and you move on. Much more fun. So you offer, they choose, and whatever they choose, that responsibility stays where it belongs. Your responsibility to deliver what you've promised. Their responsibility to get value out of that, right? To take responsibility of getting their own value out of that. So selling and being sold to. Is becomes a game. It's a game of consent, isn't it? A game of control. You're not trying to control people, you're not trying to manipulate people, and I'm just trying to manipulate you. It's just you decide you're an adult, you're your own authority. You decide yes or no, and then money moves much more cleanly as a result, right? Money has a great exchange because this is the thing. You have to understand that people love to buy. People would love buying things. They post it over social media all the time, what they've paid for, and people believe that they're gonna make a decision that's going to create something positive in their life, that's gonna give them progress, that's gonna give them some kind of significance, that's gonna give them some kind of ease, support, whatever it is. Then they, they love buying. So this is why this matters so much for you to get to that next level in your business is because if selling still feels loaded, then scaling is going to feel horrible. You're not gonna wanna do it because it requires more visibility. Going to that next level requires more visibility, more conversations, more sales conversations, being more in demand, and without having your own authority in that, it can feel overwhelming when you have your own authority in that. It'll feel energizing. It'll feel fun. It'll feel like, oh my God, I can't wait to have another sales conversation. I can't wait to go out and buy what it is that I want. Because I can tell you, if you're doing more sales, you're gonna have more money to go on. Buy the things that you wanna have, right? You are gonna be in more sales conversations. You are gonna enjoy that. And so this is I love this conversation. And look I've heard this a couple of times over the years, and every time I've heard it, it just sunk in deeper for me. So I really want you to think about this and if it's like. Touching something for you, then really journal about it. Really look at this deeply. How would it be for me if I loved both selling and being sold to? What if that was a game that I felt strong in and that I enjoyed? Because I can guarantee you if you can do that, you're going to love your business so much more. And it's gonna have so much more success, and that's what we are here for, right? You are gonna have a good time. Your client's gonna have a good time, happy days. Feeling that authority for yourself. Now, I could talk about this stuff all day. I love talking about this stuff. If this has helped you. Send me a message if you feel like you need more help in this, definitely reach out. Look, I've got some one-on-one coaching spots opened up at the moment, so if you're feeling like you need a deep dive, definitely reach out to me. Send me a DM on Instagram at Tony ever. Email me tony@tonyeverard.com. Go to my website, do what you need to do to get in contact and have a conversation about shifting this for yourself. 'cause it will change your life. Getting good at sales will change your life. There's no two ways about it. You is a skill you'll use in every situation 'cause there's influence. But that's such an important thing. But there's another step to this and there's another step to this and I'm gonna be showing you in the next episode because. Like I said the previous episode, episode 1 23, right? I talked about receiving and that's really important. You have to be open to receiving this episode. We're telling, talking about sales, right? And the game of sales and being good with sales. Once you get these two things nailed, you are going to have an income growth, right? Income growth spurt. And so the next thing that you need for this is to really make sure that you've got good structure in your business, good structure around numbers, around hours, around capacity, like you are thinking really logically around this. 'cause this is part of what will give you the safety to bring in more money and more clients. So I'm gonna be talking about that in the next episode. So keep an eye out for that. That'll be next up. But for today. Just know sales is the game. You are here. You are the authority. Make it fun. Make it fun for you, make it fun for your clients. Keep selling happy days. If you love this episode, you can help me get the message out to more people. Simply leave a review and share this episode with someone who'd love to hear it. Thanks for tuning into the Coaching Circle. I'll catch you in the next episode.